Dad. Remote. Part time.

I'm Chad The Dad.

A dad, from a distance. No photos.

I'll call to check in, complain about how everything's changin', and ask you what my email password is.

Try a dad, free

Grown-ups only. Paid by Zelle donation. I'll probably pick up.

Chad in a lawn chair in his garage, holding a phone at arm's length and squinting at it through reading glasses.

Try a dad before you adopt one

Pick a dad and text him right here. Or have him text your phone, or call him and he'll pick up as that dad. It's free, and it's Chad's AI doin' the voices. Then send it to your sibling who never calls.

Loadin' your dad... If nothin' shows up, call (803) 310-5672.

Choose your dad

Same Chad, different dad. These are the only photos you'll ever get. I had your cousin take 'em.

Chad in a vest and ear-flap hat beside a snowblower, giving a polite thumbs up.
Midwestern Dad"Ope. Well, I'll let ya go." Says it eleven times. Doesn't let you go. Did your driveway too. You live in Tampa.Try Midwestern Dad →
Chad on a porch rocking chair with sweet tea, hand on his chin, a hound asleep at his boots.
Southern Dad"Son, a mule don't care what you paid for the gate." Nobody knows what it means. It's gonna be on your tombstone.Try Southern Dad →
Chad laughing on a cooler in a garage, raising a plain can, an empty chair beside him.
Beer Drinkin' Buddy Dad"Don't tell your mother." Tell her what? "Exactly." Saved you a chair. He'll never ask how you're feelin', and you'll tell him anyway.Try Beer Drinkin' Buddy Dad →
Chad screaming out of a recliner with a foam finger and popcorn flying.
Sports DadCalls you during the game to ask if you're watchin' the game. Knows nothin' about your job. Knows the backup long snapper's mother's name.Try Sports Dad →
Chad on a brownstone stoop in a leather jacket, fingers pinched, holding a slice of pizza.
New York Dad"How much? For that? Who told you that? Gimme his number." He's gonna have a guy. It's gonna be a different guy each time, and they're all named Sal.Try New York Dad →

Pick your level of dad

Suggested monthly donations by Zelle. Nothin' bills on its own. Stop sendin' and the plan stops. I'll act like I'm fine with it.

The Thumbs Up

$4.99/mo

You leave a voicemail. I respond with a thumbs up. I never answer.

  • One thumb, sometime in the next three days
  • Doesn't matter what the voicemail said
  • Yes, even that one
Pick this dad

The Callback

$9.99/mo

I'll answer any time you call, or at least try to call you back.

  • Phone was in the truck
  • "I called you back. It didn't do nothin'."
  • Opens with "What's wrong?" every time
Pick this dad

The Check-In

$19.99/mo

I call you at least once a week and start the texts myself, memes and all.

  • Weather where you are, which I looked up
  • "When'd you last check your oil?"
  • Memes that don't make sense, free of charge
Pick this dad

Premium

The Disappointed

$49.99/mo

Real encouragement, and disappointment in your life choices, in a lovingly sincere way that shows I care about your future.

  • Everything in The Check-In
  • A long pause, then "Well. It's your life."
  • "I just want you to be happy. That's all I ever wanted. Is that what you're doin' with the money?"
Pick this dad

What you get in a dad

The check-in

Every couple weeks, whether you got time or not. "Didn't want nothin'. Just callin'." Then forty minutes on what they did to the intersection by the old Kmart.

Technology concerns

I don't trust it. They're listenin'. Now what's my email password? You set it up. It's got a capital in it. I'll only ever ask for mine. Never give me yours.

Facebook updates

You see what Rick posted? Rick's my best friend. Funniest picture you ever saw. It's a dog in a hat. I don't know who Rick is. We've never met. I worry about him.

Memes that don't make sense

Texted without a word of explanation at 6:14 in the mornin'. A minion. A Bible verse. A truck. I'll follow it up with "LOL" and then "Dad" like I'm signin' a letter.

Life advice

"Never buy the extended warranty on a man." You won't understand that for another five years. I don't understand it now. But one day, in a parkin' lot, it'll hit you.

Favorite child status

Tell me about your mother and your siblings. I'll complain about 'em too. Your sister's husband? I never liked him. You've always been my favorite. Don't tell the others. I told them the same.

What my kids are sayin'

Every one of these is made up. I don't know how the internet works.

"He called to tell me a restaurant closed. I've never been there. Neither has he. I cried a little."Megan, 34, The Check-In
"He thumbs-upped my voicemail about the divorce. Honestly? Pretty accurate to the original."Jason, 41, The Thumbs Up
"He texted me a picture of a truck. Then 'LOL. Dad.' I've had it framed."Priya, 29, The Callback

Premium features

Thermostat Patrol, the "I'm Not Mad" voicemail, and more

Add these to any plan. Your dad would've done some of this for free. I'm not your dad.

  • The "I'm Not Mad" Voicemail, $2.99/mo. "It's your dad. Call me back. Nothin's wrong. Okay. It's your dad." You'll panic every time.
  • Thermostat Patrol, $1.99/mo. One call a month to ask who touched it. I don't know where you live. I'm askin' anyway.
  • Oil Change Reminders, $1.99/mo. "When'd you last check your oil? Your tires? You got a jack in that thing?" You drive an electric car. Doesn't matter.
  • Birthday Call, One Day Late, $1.99/mo. I'll sing. I'll say I had it wrote down wrong. Your mother's fault somehow.
  • Second Dad, $3.99/mo. Add another dad from the list. They won't get along.
  • Official Favorite Child Certificate, $4.99 once. Signed. Suitable for texting to your siblings.
  • "I'm Proud Of You, Kiddo," $14.99/mo. Once. Out of nowhere. Then I change the subject to the weather real quick, and we never talk about it.
Chad in a hallway in socks and sandals, arm braced on the wall beside the thermostat, glaring at you.

"I'm not mad."

The top plan, explained by a disappointed man
Chad at a kitchen table on an old phone with a coffee mug, smiling gently and looking let down.

"I just thought you were gonna do somethin' with the degree."

A lot of folks can yell at you. It takes a real professional to go quiet on the phone, breathe out through his nose, and tell you he believes in you anyway. That's the top plan. I'll ask about your future. I'll remember what you told me last time. I'll tell you I'm in your corner, and I'll mean it, and then I'll ask if that's really what you're wearin' to the interview. I can't see you. I just know.

Questions for your dad

Is this real?

The jokes are jokes, and I'm not actually your father, I checked. The form goes to the real Chad, who reads every one. He'll text you the details. Money's by Zelle, it's a donation with no refunds, and my time and services may or may not be real. If you call the number, you'll get his AI, which does a real good impression and will tell you straight that it's an AI if you ask.

Will you send me a picture of yourself?

No photos. I don't know how to attach 'em. I've been tryin' to send you one since March and it keeps goin' to Rick.

Will you come to my graduation?

From a distance. I'll be real proud, from about four hundred miles away. Send me the date and I'll write it down wrong.

Do you really want my email password?

No. Never give me yours, or anybody else's. I want mine. It's got a capital in it. If anybody else asks you for a password, that's not your dad, that's a crook, and I told you about this.

What if I already have a dad?

Then call him. He's fine. He's not gonna say he misses you. He's gonna ask about your tires, and that's the same thing.

What if I don't?

Then I'm sorry, kiddo. I'm a fella with a phone and a bad sense of humor, and I know this ain't the same. But I'll pick up. Well, depends on the plan.

How you pay: Zelle

Zelle donation. No refunds. No real invoice.
  • Zelle only, to chadbechtel225@gmail.com. Put your first name in the memo.
  • I won't send an invoice. If I do, it's fake, and it won't be for the amount you actually paid, if you actually paid.
  • It's all a donation. Donations are appreciated, because my time and services may or may not be real.
  • No refunds. Zelle doesn't do take-backs and neither do I. This part's no joke: it's real money, so only send what you're fine never seein' again.
  • Every month, by hand. Nothin' bills on its own. Stop sendin' and I stop callin'. The certificate's one time.

Adopt me

Fill this out. I'll need it in writin' anyhow, I'll forget.

Your plan

Premium features (optional)

Next you'll see where to Zelle it. Nothing leaves your account until you send it. Reply STOP any time and I'll quit. I'll be fine.